I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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