please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
