went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
