What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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