just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
