just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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