There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
