i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
