SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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