after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
