i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
