He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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