last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, beer. Big fan.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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