Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
