Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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