You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
