Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
