they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
