You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
