just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You took a bar mat shot.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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