Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
