I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
