afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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