It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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