I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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