there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
