Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
