R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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