We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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