you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
