Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
