What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
