i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
