Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
