Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
