so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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