babies were throwing up all over the place
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
