Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
