I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
