I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
