I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
