I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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