I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
