I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
