We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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