We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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