I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
