This is not my ceiling
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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