Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
