I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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