Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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