i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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