Just fell off a train. Bad.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
