where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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