marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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